Well, the first thing I have to admit is that I go out and drink on a pretty regular basis. Usually once during the week and once on the weekend, but sometimes more. I like to wear goofy, funny t-shirts on these outings because I find that they make great conversation starters. On the night in question, I decided to wear a shirt that read, "Don't Kanye me or I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mom." In my opinion, that's a great shirt. Anyone who know anything about those three celebrities has an opinion about what they did and will jump into a conversation about them.
It was Humpday, and that means that it was time to have a few drinks with the buddies and to unwind a bit. There was going to be booze, laughs, and a few local, unattached girls who sometimes let us sleep with them. All in all, it was going to be a great evening at the ole pub. I played some raunchy songs, started drinking more heavily at the night went on, and even sang some karaoke. Life was good and everyone really enjoyed my funny t-shirts, so I had lots of people to talk to.
Since it was a weekday and most people have jobs to go to, the bar started emptying out around midnight. For some reason, I had enough drinks in me to think that staying to close was a great idea. Some small part of me knew that tomorrow would be an 8 hour journey through a thick hangover, but that wasn't stopping me tonight. I had shifted to drinking beers with boiler-makers interspaced throughout, so it is needless to say that I was getting hammered out of any sense of common decency. I had also completely forgotten about my current funny t-shirts selection, and everything.
I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.
I turned around, some drunk witticism bubbling out of me when I saw the largest black man I have ever seen in my life sitting next to the second largest black man I had ever seen. After some stammered apologies, I was utterly relieved to learn that these two fine gentlemen where part of Jay-Z's security staff and were out getting some late-night food after coming off-duty. Jay-Z works quite a bit with a certain Kanye West, so my funny t-shirts selection was quite poignant for these guys.
I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.
It was Humpday, and that means that it was time to have a few drinks with the buddies and to unwind a bit. There was going to be booze, laughs, and a few local, unattached girls who sometimes let us sleep with them. All in all, it was going to be a great evening at the ole pub. I played some raunchy songs, started drinking more heavily at the night went on, and even sang some karaoke. Life was good and everyone really enjoyed my funny t-shirts, so I had lots of people to talk to.
Since it was a weekday and most people have jobs to go to, the bar started emptying out around midnight. For some reason, I had enough drinks in me to think that staying to close was a great idea. Some small part of me knew that tomorrow would be an 8 hour journey through a thick hangover, but that wasn't stopping me tonight. I had shifted to drinking beers with boiler-makers interspaced throughout, so it is needless to say that I was getting hammered out of any sense of common decency. I had also completely forgotten about my current funny t-shirts selection, and everything.
I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.
I turned around, some drunk witticism bubbling out of me when I saw the largest black man I have ever seen in my life sitting next to the second largest black man I had ever seen. After some stammered apologies, I was utterly relieved to learn that these two fine gentlemen where part of Jay-Z's security staff and were out getting some late-night food after coming off-duty. Jay-Z works quite a bit with a certain Kanye West, so my funny t-shirts selection was quite poignant for these guys.
I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.
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